Parents who insist they should NOT have to work as hard as their colleagues who don’t have children

It’s a debate that has raged since the dawn of modern feminism in the 60s…can women have it all? 

Is it possible in 2025 to balance a high-flying career and a beautiful brood of two or three children?

It certainly should be – the current Government claims to have made it easier than ever for mothers to work, with ‘tax-free’ and ’30 hours free’ childcare schemes. 

However, many women juggling long days and the demands of parenthood say the workplace is still found wanting, with bosses not appreciating the ‘5-9’ that often precedes the 9-5. 

Toddlers emitting blood-curdling screams all the way to nursery, bosses unsympathetic to specific childcare needs, and pressure to perform at the pace of childless colleagues are daily hurdles faced by parents who have spoken to the Daily Mail.

They’ve told of their woes in trying to maintain sanity while juggling the ‘imperfect storm’ of motherhood and a career, which despite all efforts has left most feeling ‘burnt out’.

These constant stressors can have catastrophic consequences for your mental health, says family psychologist, Dr Jo Stuart.  

‘Parental burnout happens when the daily demands of parenting outweigh the emotional and physical resources we have to cope’ the director of Hampstead Psychology told the Daily Mail.

‘It’s not just tiredness – it’s a deeper emotional and physical exhaustion that builds up over time when parents are constantly ‘on’ and don’t have time to recover’.

The 25-year psychology veteran and mum listed things like getting children dressed, making breakfast and dealing with behavioural issues – within a short span of time -as primary causes of morning burnout.

‘When parents start the day already depleted, even small challenges can feel overwhelming’ she explained. A child refusing to get dressed or spilling breakfast can suddenly trigger tears or anger – not because the parent doesn’t care, but because we can all only cope with so much before we have no more ‘calm’ left in the system’.

‘Children are very sensitive to a parent’s tone and emotional state. If mornings are tense or rushed, children can absorb that stress and carry it with them into the day. Parents then go to work feeling guilty or frustrated, and the cycle repeats’.

She stressed the importance of parents seeking time for relaxation in order to relieve stress and ultimately protect children from the outcomes of parental burnout.

‘We have to remember that taking time for ourselves nourishes us and then we have more space to deal with stressors, which leads to less shouting and everyone benefits’ continued Dr Stuart. ‘Also, just because others seem to be doing it right, we do not see what actually goes on in their morning routine.

‘Ultimately, calmer mornings aren’t about doing everything perfectly – they’re about doing less, slowing down, and showing self compassion. When parents are more rested and emotionally grounded, children feel that stability too’.

‘Mornings are like unpaid domestic work.. I feel like I have lived an entire day’ 

Catherine Yardley, 41, is a British author and magazine editor-in-chief. She is married to James, 38 and together they raise a 10, eight, and four-year-old.

From 7am she spends over two hours with her kids brushing their teeth, getting them dressed, doing their hair and completing the school run before she can fathom starting work.

‘By the time I have dropped them [my kids] off and arrived home it is just past nine and I sometimes feel like I have lived an entire day’ expressed Catherine. ‘I need to take a moment after all of the chaos’.

The daily morning routine leaves Catherine flooded with intense emotions that never dissipate.

‘Some people also think that parents don’t pull their weight or get an easier ride. That’s not true at all. You never get a break if you are a parent’ she continued.

She labelled the workload dumped on mums ‘unfair’, as parents are ‘raising the next generation’ and ‘the world stops without us’.

‘The pressure of it always seems to be on mums. We are already the ones who do most of the unpaid domestic work.. the juggle is incredibly hard. I work a lot of evenings and weekends’. 

The mum said flexible working – a formal request to your employer for working hours that suit your individual needs – should be a right for everyone and not a special privilege for parents who are made to feel they ‘can’t do their job’ without it.

‘Employers should be made to take courses on what parents go through on a daily basis’

Oliver’s two sons, Joshua, 14, and Brandon, 12, have autism and PDA (pathological demand avoidance), a subtype of autism defined by a refusal to comply with requests.

The 47-year-old is a computer engineer for his wife Rebecca’s company, and works from their north England home. Morning burn out is a daily occurrence in their home.

‘We have two children with very complex needs’ said Oliver. ‘Not only do we struggle with them not wanting to go to school but they smash the house up… you can’t get one out of bed without the other one fighting you.

‘One of them is smashing the house up [while] you’re trying to get ready for work at the same time. My wife does everything she can to get one out of bed and I’m trying to get the other’.

His advice to employers of parents in similar situations – enforce mandatory courses.

‘In the same way employers have training schemes for health and safety, they should have training schemes for parents of SEN (special education needs) children.

‘It would be very beneficial for employers to take five or 10 minute courses that would give them an understanding of what these parents go through on a daily basis’.

‘My three-year-old ran out the door last week… mornings are an imperfect storm’

For some parents and carers, mornings are a playground for the most hair-raising events. Mother-of-three, Vicki Broadbent shared one that occurred in her family’s Harrogate home last week.

‘My 15-year-old son forgot his bag and came back home to collect it… I was on the toilet and my husband was on a work call… when he [my son] left, my three-year-old daughter ran out the door after him’.

Though the author and Good Morning Britain panelist – known as Honest Mum on Instagram – averted the potential catastrophe, the tight morning routine left her drained.

She added: ‘People don’t understand what it takes to get kids out of the house. Small things put together make an imperfect storm. If you want to be an active parent it can be labouring’.

The 44-year-old suggested HR departments accommodate late mornings for parents and carers.

‘I spoke at events and round tables with ministers advocating for flexible working and remote working’ continued Vicki.

‘There is no real infrastructure for mums in the workplace. Remote working, job shares and late mornings should be a default for parents. We should be able to pause the working day and pick up hours when the child is asleep. Fathers too’.

‘I feel the pressure to perform at the same level as someone without childcare responsibilities’ 

Bolaji, 35, raises three boys aged nine, three and one with her husband Anthony, an IT consultant.

The full time social worker says the couple are jointly responsible for getting them dressed, fed and to school on time every day, but the expectation for them to do it ‘seamlessly’ often leaves them burnt out.

‘I feel the pressure to perform at the same level as someone without childcare responsibilities’ said Bolaji.  

Mornings are the worst when deadlines are looming and Anthony is away for work.

‘I had a deadline and couldn’t take the day off, so I had to quickly arrange childcare while trying to manage my worry and emotions. 

‘After getting through a full day of work, I still had to catch up late into the night once the children were asleep to finish reports on time. It was one of those moments where I felt completely drained, which happens often as a working mum’.

Her employers permit some stretch but she sympathised with parents who aren’t so lucky.

‘Small changes like flexible start times, the option to work from home when needed, or being able to take short-notice leave without feeling guilty would make such a big difference’. 

‘Work sick days should include your child – your child is an extension of you’

Emma Mortimer is a PR client strategist and her fiancé Samukele owns Duke Street Coffee shop in Manchester. Emma says family life with a 20-month-old baby means their routine is ‘all over the place’.

The 32-year-old shared a descriptive account of her – very early – morning routine, aka the ‘battle’. 

‘I set my alarm for 6am so I can have a second and clean my teeth and get dressed before he [my son] is up. Then I wake him around 6:30am then the battle begins. I get him dressed, clean his teeth, wash his face, get his shoes on, pack a bag for nursery, and be out the door if I can by 7:15am… I can tell you now I never am on time and by my luck, there’s traffic or something’.  

Emma spoke on the stress of juggling parental emotions with ‘professionalism’, despite the daily chaos that ensues most mornings.

‘Until very recently, my child hated going into nursery. He cried and screamed and clung onto me for dear life and I had no other choice but to leave him there and walk away, crying myself.

‘I would have to pick myself up and then get back to work like nothing happened or even go on a team call and push down how I was feeling. It’s hard to know what’s deemed unprofessional and what to share and what’s not’.

She spoke on the grey area of using sick day allowances to care for unwell children, as well as the strain of working from home with a child in tow.

‘I think sick days should include your child – your child is an extension of you and if they are sick (which they are a lot) you need to be able to give all your care and attention to your child. 

‘I also think working with your child is easier said than done especially depending on their age. Whenever I have had last minute childcare cancellations or issues and have had to work with my child it is hard to be fully present in both. The guilt sets in as a mum if you’re not giving them attention and then you also feel like you’re not doing a good enough job at work’.

‘Schools should abolish homework… it puts huge pressure on parents who have busy working lives’

As both a parent and employer, Faye McCann, 39, flips both sides of the coin – and it can get very uncomfortable.

‘I see both sides’ said Faye. ‘It can be a difficult mix between keeping your job secure, your business profitable and also being a parent whose main priority needs to be the well being of their children and family’.

Faye and her husband Chris, also 39, live in Newcastle with Jett 10, and Phoenix, 6, who has autism, ADHD and is non-verbal.

Their senior roles contribute a taxing layer to an already ‘high demand environment’, which cause ‘traumatic’ mornings, said Faye.

‘Phoenix’s needs dictate care. He may have a huge meltdown, throw multiple breakfasts on the floor, bite himself, or me, or lash out while I’m trying to calm him down, keep everyone safe, and still get both kids ready on time.

‘Then I have to walk into work as if nothing has happened, even though I already feel completely burnt out, drained, worn out or stressed. But there’s still a full day ahead, clients to deliver to, and people depending on me.

‘I think there’s an unfair constant expectation for working parents to always be ready, switched on and available – it can feel exhausting’ Faye continued. ‘There’s so much pressure, especially if your job involves critical support in high-demand environments’.

Faye suggested banning homework as one way to treat parental fatigue. 

‘I’d love to see more flexibility for working parents. And I really do believe that schools should abolish or at least limit homework – it puts a huge pressure on parents who have busy working lives and can have a detriment on mental health’.

 ‘I had an employer that would say ‘what do you mean you’re taking the kids to school? Isn’t the mum supposed to?”

Jay Mac is asking the corporate industry to end ‘discrimination’ against working dads like himself, and to instead provide more flexibility.

The 43-year-old financial services worker shares Em, 15, and Theo, 7, with his childhood sweetheart, Nics. Together they also foster a 15-month-old – who cannot be named – in their home in Stratford, East London.

Jay is adamant him and Nic share the workload, especially during the family’s ‘relentless’ morning routine.

‘I wake up at 6am, make the [older] kids’ breakfast which is toast or cereal. I get them dressed while Nics feeds and takes care of the baby. ‘[Theo and Em] must be out the door by 8:10am as schools starts 8:30am. Sometimes there’s no time for breakfast [for myself] before jumping into meetings at 9am’.

Jay wants bosses to encourage fathers to help out during the morning rush.

‘With employers there’s always an expectation that work comes first – I think that’s a bit unfair especially if you have kids.

‘I had an employer before that would say ‘what do you mean you’re taking the kids [to school]? Isn’t it the mum that’s supposed to [do that]?’ There is a stereotype that looking after the kids is primarily down to the mum – but in our house that’s not the case. It’s 50/50. I think it’s so important to have that balance, not everything is down to mum’.

He recalled when earlier this month, his son Theo woke up crying before going on to have an anxiety attack: ‘I had to call the school and say sorry Theo’s going to be an hour late.

‘I had to move [my] meetings about 30 minutes to the right… employers have this expectation that when you’re in a meeting, you’re switched on and expected to deliver and meet deadlines. It’s relentless’.