Fiona Phillips’ husband has shared his key piece of advice for dealing with someone who has dementia, three years after the GMB star’s shocking diagnosis.
Ms Phillips was just 61 when she found out that she has early-onset Alzheimer’s in 2022, and since then has been cared for by her husband, former This Morning editor Martin Frizell.
The couple, who wed in 1997, share two sons who are also involved in looking after their ailing mother—whose tome, Remember When: My Life With Alzheimer’s is out today.
In one of the final chapters of the book, Mr Frizell, 66, shares the biggest learning he has gleaned from his wife’s illness, and it’s advice that anyone with a loved one struggling with a degenerative brain condition can benefit from.
He writes: ‘The experts say you are not supposed to challenge someone with Alzheimer’s when they’re saying things that are completely wrong, but it’s very difficult when you are in that moment and you are just desperately hoping you might be able to get through to them.
‘What am I supposed to say when she says: “You’re not my husband!”?
‘Obviously it’s not nice—but I don’t feel hurt by it because I know that isn’t Fiona talking: it’s the illness that has taken her mind.’
Mr Frizell continues that the most important thing to do when involved in a back-and-forth with a dementia patient is not to say ‘no’.
Fiona Phillips was diagnosed with early onset dementia at just 61 years old
He believes that it’s best to keep up rapport—even if it’s uncomfortable—to stay connected.
He said: ‘The textbooks say to never argue with a dementia patient.
‘Although, even before the illness you could never win an argument with Fiona, so we play along.’
The couple live with their two sons, Nathaniel, 26 and Mackenzie, 23, who also have to entertain their mother’s terrifying delusions––the most recent of which requires Mr Frizell to pretend that he has smuggled his wife away from her parents.
During a recent appearance on This Morning, he explained: ‘Fiona and I leave as if I am taking her home.
‘We walk around the block as she loudly proclaims, “I’ll never forgive you for tricking me,” and passers-by stare; then we are back home again, where she goes in and greets Mackenzie as if she hasn’t seen him for days.’
Both of the former presenter’s parents died from Alzheimer’s and Ms Phillips herself is an ambassador for Alzheimer’s charities––not that she can remember.
But Mr Frizell believes that whilst they haven’t spoken about her illness once since she was diagnosed, she is always thinking about it subconsciously.
Fiona Phillips with her husband Martin Frizell who has since taken a step back from his job as an editor to help care for Fiona and her help her finish her book Remember When: My Life with Alzheimer’s
Since her diagnosis she has mostly stayed out of the public eye
Before she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, Mr Frizell said the former Good Morning Britain presenter was the life and soul of the party.
And despite seeing the diagnosis coming as his wife became increasingly withdrawn and anxious Mr Frizell said when it finally came it was ‘awful’.
‘You realise that there are around 70,000 people who have early-onset Alzheimer’s and there is not a lot of help out there.
‘As a family we are just kind of left to get through it and at some point we will need more support but there’s just nothing really.
‘You become kind of invisible’, he told the Telegraph in a recent interview.
‘If you mention the word Alzheimer’s or dementia, it brings it to the front and it’s upsetting because she knows the way it’s going,’ he also wrote in Ms Phillips’ new book.
Even so, Mr Frizell says whilst he tries his best to protect her from the harsh reality of the situation, no one is perfect.
‘It feels as though I have read a million books and online articles about how best to cope with a partner with Alzheimer’s.
‘Some of the advice I agree with – but other bits I’m not so sure about. I think you just have to trust your instinct and deal with whatever is thrown at you as best you can in that moment.
‘By trying to live up to being the perfect Alzheimer’s partner, you are just heaping even more pressure on yourself when there is already so much. But every day is different.’
More than 150 million people will be living with dementia by 2050, estimates suggest––more than double the number today.
Memory loss, thinking and reasoning difficulties and language problems are common early symptoms of the condition, which then worsen over time.
Mr Frizell’s movingly honest advice about how to live with the disease comes as new research suggests that staying positive can cut the risk of memory loss in middle age.
Researchers writing in the journal Aging and Mental Health tracked more than 10,000 people aged over 50 and found those with higher levels of wellbeing were more likely to have better scores on memory tests.
They also reported a greater sense of control, independence and freedom to make choices than other people.
While the link was small, researchers suggested it was significant.
Around 900,000 Brits are currently thought to have the memory-robbing disorder. But University College London scientists estimate this will rise to 1.7million within two decades as people live longer
A landmark study last year also suggested almost half of all Alzheimer’s cases could be prevented by tackling 14 lifestyle factors from childhood.
World-leading experts pinpointed two new risk factors––vision loss and high cholesterol behind the disease which join existing factors, ranging from social isolation to obesity, that experts have identified as increasing the risk a person would suffer dementia.
Experts claimed the study, published in the prestigious journal The Lancet, provided more hope than ‘ever before’ that the memory-robbing disorder that blights the lives of millions can be tackled.
Alzheimer’s Disease is the most common form of dementia and affects 982,000 people in the UK.
Alzheimer’s Research UK analysis found 74,261 people died from dementia in 2022 compared with 69,178 a year earlier, making it the country’s biggest killer.
Alzheimer’s Society is a charity that offers support for anyone affected by dementia through their website alzheimers.org.uk and dementia support line on 0333 150 3456.
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