Revealed: The best comeback to an insult, according to science

When someone delivers a hurtful insult, it can often leave us lost for words.

In fact, it might even cause ‘deep and enduring’ mental health scars akin to those from physical abuse. 

But now, a scientist thinks has the perfect response. 

And it may be particularly effective on cocky 20-year-old lads. 

In a piece for BBC Science Focus, neuroscientist and lecturer Dr Dean Burnett  reveals the ‘best comeback to an insult’. 

And he thinks it can successfully put a damper on someone else’s mean comments or even ‘reverse their effects’.

The three-word retort may even put a smile on their face or make them laugh – diffusing the situation entirely. 

So have you ever used it? 

When someone delivers a hurtful insult, it can often leave us lost for words. But now, a scientist thinks has the perfect comeback (file photo)

According to Dr Burnett, who is author of ‘Emotional Ignorance’, the best comeback to an insult is to say: ‘Calm down, grandma.’ 

Dr Burnett thinks ‘the impact of an insult depends as much on the recipient as it does the supplier’. 

So this particular retort, he claims, has the effect of making ‘the insulter seem like the lower status, more easily-ridiculed party’. 

The academic explains in the piece: ‘Someone says, “Your haircut looks stupid.” You reply, “Okay, calm down grandma.” 

‘You’ve put them in the category “Older, unfashionable, out-of-touch people”, which makes them look worse. 

‘Especially if they can’t possibly be your grandma, because [for example] they’re a 20-something man.’ 

The expert gave a few other responses that use similar clever trick – using the insulter’s own words to make them look stupid. 

Dr Burnett adds: ‘They say, “I don’t understand why [your attractive partner] is with you,” you say, “Would you like me to explain it to you? With crayons?”

The three-word retort can successfully put a damper on someone else’s mean insults or even ‘reverse their effects’. It may even put a smile on their face or make them laugh – diffusing the situation entirely (file photo)

They meant to insult you, but the response turns it into them admitting to being easily baffled.’ 

There’s also ‘co-constructing criticism’, where the insult is accepted and built on, which might even shed you in a positive light for being self-deprecating.

An example: ‘They say, “You’re fat!” You say, “I should hope so, I’ve spent enough money to get this way.”

‘There are countless more comebacks, but they all orbit a central theme of not giving the insulter power.’  

Dr Burnett also pointed to the old adage: ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.’ 

Although ‘Sticks and Stones’ is an often used rhyme that goes back to the 19th century, it’s also ‘wrong’, according to the academic.

‘Criticisms and rejection cause brain activity that’s indistinguishable from actual pain,’ he said.

‘Basically, insults do hurt.’ 

Verbal abuse of children could be as damaging to their mental health in adulthood as physical abuse, according to a recent study (stock image)

Dr Burnett’s comments are backed up by a recent study at Liverpool John Moores University, published in the journal BMJ Open. 

The research found childhood taunts are as bad for adult mental health as physical abuse – directly contradicting the concept of ”Sticks and Stones’. 

Those exposed to such abuse when young were likely to feel disconnected, pessimistic, and emotionally unwell in later life, the study of more than 20,000 adults in England and Wales found. 

Professor Mark Bellis, the study’s lead author, said: ‘Our research shows verbal abuse in childhood may inflict mental health scars as deep and enduring as those caused by physical abuse.’